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>> Tuesday, 15 March 2011

People often talk about this concept of "gaydar" and how to feel someone out to tell if they are of a homosexual persuasion or not. Both gay people and straights alike (albeit for different reasons) are often intensely curious about someone's orientation, and will go to huge lengths to figure it out without having to outright ask, or else develop finely tuned radar that blips at all the little signs.

With all this work people (especially gay ones) put into figuring out other people's sexuality, you'd think people would be more attuned to evidences of their own gayness or bi-ness. However, you'd often be wrong. Some of the gayest people had no idea they were gay until everyone and their mom had already known for years.

I think it's important for people to know themselves as much as possible, so, to this end, I've compiled a list of signs (some subtle, some obvious) that you may be a flaming homo.

(Now, those of you who have read some of my other work might ask: "But, thehands, what could you possibly really know about gayness? Aren't you just a random straight guy who is occasionally into lesbians? Isn't that the extent of your contact with gays?"

So, I suppose, it must finally "come out," so to speak. To that, I shall give my short answer: Yes, indeed I may be technically straight in the sense of being mostly heterosexual, but I am not, like most other straight people, "heteronormative," [not even close, really] for a couple of reasons I will not get into here. I might speak more at length about it in another hub. But let's just say for now that I know waaay more about "LGBTQers" than the average straight person does. In fact, I happen to be part of that acronym myself in spite of my lack of gayness; jusT Take a ToTally random guess as To which leTTer I am referring To when I say ThaT.

But getting back to the more important stuff...)

Signs you might be gay:

Photo by theodoranian

Sign Number 1:

You're a woman, and all the guys you've dated in the past turned out to be gay, OR you're a guy, and all the girls you have dated in the past turned out to be lesbians.

It's not really totally clear why this is, at least to me, but it seems like when gay people talk about people they've dated in the past, they often say something like: "Oh, yeah, that was when I was really young and didn't know. He/she's totally by best gay/lesbian friend now."

The whole dated-opposite-gender-partner-then-turned-into-each-others-gay-best-friends is almost a stereotype within some circles, and I have seen this happen more than once with people that I've known personally. If you see a lesbian and a gay man who are exceptionally close and have known each other since they were very young, very often you'll find that they had previously dated each other.

A really generalized answer to why this happens might be that they are responding to stereotypically opposite-sex characteristics in each other, i.e. the unknowing gay man is attracted to the unknowing lesbian's butchiness, and she to his femininity. A better answer, though, I think, is simply that sexual minorities tend to instinctually feel more comfortable around each other because they recognize other people who feel and act "different" and may have a natural tendency to gravitate towards people they feel might understand them, even if it's subconscious and they don't realize their own orientation yet.

Sign Number 2:

Your parents tell you to stop with "those mannerisms" or to not sit "that way" in a chair or to not "walk that way" because people are going to think the "wrong thing" about you.

Basically, if your parents or friends are noticing stereotypically "gay" mannerisms or behavior from you and are warning you that other people will take it the wrong way, maybe they're not too far off.

In my experience, people will just have "the walk" and not realize that they consciously have it, silently broadcasting their queerness to the world unknowingly, then being shocked when someone brings it up.

Now, not all people with the stereotypical mannerisms are gay, and not all gay people have such mannerisms, but a lot of times, it's a pretty safe bet. If you're skipping down the sidewalk with a daisy on your head, screaming your head off that you love vagina, I sure as hell am not going to believe you.

Like, very offended. Like, much more than the average person.

In fact, one of your common responses to such a question is: "sigh! Oh my gosh, why does everyone keep asking if I'm gay?! Just because I like showtunes and have pin-ups of all the members of N'Sync in my locker at work doesn't mean I'm a closet case!" / "Just because my favorite movie is But I'm a Cheerleader and I have posters of Jodie Foster all over my walls instead of pictures of my favorite boyband doesn't mean I'm a lesbo! Shut up! I love penis!"

In fact, you feel the need to go overboard, constantly asserting how totally NOT GAY you are. "No homo" is practically your catch phrase, even when nobody's asking.

Which brings me to...

Sign Number 4:

Everyone is always asking you if you are gay.

It may just be that you're broadcasting your gayness unknowingly to the world via "vibes" or mannerisms like the ones mentioned in Sign Number 2.

It's sort of how you might assume that these two people you are talking to at a party are dating, only to have them both blush and tell you they just met each other that night, then you find out some weeks or months later that they're actually dating now. Lots of times people will give off signals and vibes of an impending future before they even realize themselves what that future might be.

And, in your case, that future might be very rainbow-scented indeed.

Sign Number 5:

You're interested in things that gay people are into, or things that have to do with gayness.

But nevermind, you're not gay. You just like watching Queer as Folk and Will and Grace out of pure coincidence; it's not that you identify with any of it at all on this deep, personal level. And you only went on that lesbian cruise because you were tired of going on vacation alone and having men hitting on you all the time. Simple as that.

Sign Number 0:

You like men and you're a man, OR

You like women and you're a woman.

Doesn't get more obvious than that, but you'd be surprised. Lots of people will have such feelings and brush them aside, deny them, or just try not to think of them.

Of course, just because signs point towards your might being gay, doesn't mean you actually are gay. Heck, I get my sexuality questioned probably way more often than the average straight guy does, and I undeniably love girls, (Maybe my walk isn't manly enough. Who knows?) so I feel those of you out there who get this stuff a lot, but just can't find it in yourselves to be raging homos. Frankly, I can't either (though I'd probably get more action if I was).

I think these signs are pretty generally true, though, anyway, as they have been in my experience with gay people.



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