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he Wrong Technique

Here are five ways you should never begin a telephone conversation with a girl who is a stranger to you.

1. Guess what I'm holding in my hand.

2. Um. ah, er, (gulp), um, uh, er, ah, um. . .

3. Well, baby (honey, sweetie, momma, cutie, sugar, ass-face) this is gonna be your luck)' day.

4. (Belllch!)

5. I have a fire in my loin

The Right Technique

Things will turn out better for you if you use the right technique. Here are five examples of the right technique. They always work. Sometimes.

1. Guess what I'm holding in both of my hands?

2. You don't know me and I don't know you. But who among us can say that he truly knows any other human being. We are such complex entities, don't you agree? And aren't we all, to some extent, strangers passing through this mysterious void, bound for some other destination, for some other, more perfect world? So why don't I pick up a six-pack and drop over? Perhaps you are my real destination.

3. My name is Bob, and I just won your phone number in a high stakes game of poker.

4. They've made me the king of the gypsies, and I need a date for my coronation.

5. My Bentley broke down in front of your apartment, and I was wondering if I could come up and get a drink of water for my chauffeur.