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ometimes in their enthusiasm to take on a new role as "parent" stepmothers can forget that the role of stepmother and the role of mother are very different. In their well intentioned wish to include their husband's children, stepmothers can at times act as if they forget that one nuclear family cannot be broken up and reorganized to form a new one or additional one. Once a nuclear family is broken up it is no longer the traditional nuclear family. The only thing that can help children feel as if their nuclear family is separated but not broken completely is to show them that in at least a few ways their original nuclear family does, at times, share something like the school play or parents' night.

Mothers often believe that fathers should make sure they spend time alone with just the children, and sometimes fathers, in their wish to rebuild the family they once had with another wife, forget to spend time with just the children. Sometimes stepmothers may, in fact, have very different values when it comes to children, and it would be a rare mother who would not wish to assert her own values her own way without the interference of someone that neither she nor her children chose to have in their lives. Some mothers may actually like the idea of their children's seeing their father in a nice relationship and seeing an example of a good marriage. They may be completely comfortable with their children's having half-siblings too. What can make mothers uncomfortable, though, is having to deal with any issues the children have as a result of (sometimes) their emotional issues not being addressed quite appropriately by a father or stepmother who may not understand what the child is going through. While there are certainly fathers who have an excellent understanding of human nature and their own children, it is not at all uncommon for fathers to have less understanding of their children's emotional needs than their mothers do.