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>> Sunday, 3 April 2011
Mothers of children from first marriages are often delighted to be out of the first marriage, and many are delighted that the husband they hoped would find happiness after divorce has remarried. When women hate their first husbands they usually don't care if those husbands remarry; so regardless of the terms on which a first-marriage couple finds itself, bitterness because an ex-husband has a new wife may not be as common as the bitterness that comes if that new wife creates complications in the children's lives or in the relationship between them and their father.
Most normal, good, mothers are, by instinct, protective of their children and the bond between their children and them, as well as the children's bond with their father. It is normal and natural for mothers to expect their ex-husband's second wife to build a nice relationship with children, be a good role model, and define what the role of stepparent should be (and many mothers believe it is a very different role from that of parent). When mothers appear to be demonstrating bitterness it can be because they believe the stepmother is trying to overstep her bounds. Just as mother cats are ready to protect their kittens, mothers are usually inclined to exercise their maternal instincts if they think someone may be trying to overstep bounds, even when that's not what a stepmother intends to do.
Mothers, too, often believe that events such as school plays and parent-teacher meetings should be opportunities for mothers and fathers of the children to show children that Mom and Dad are still the ones who show up, as always. Its a matter of increasing children's sense of stability and showing them that, when it comes to their lives, parents don't need to be married to still act as Mom and Dad when the occasion calls for it.
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